We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
