I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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