White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
