**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
