I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
