I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
