Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
