I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
