fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
