btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
