He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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