there's paper in my vomit.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
