just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
