yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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