im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
