I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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