Old men and throwing up are my life now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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