I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
