I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
