awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
