omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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