she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
