how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
