he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
