Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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