He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
