so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
