She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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