it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
