come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
