I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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