I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
