Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
