pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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