Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
