we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
