Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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