Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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