Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
