I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
