chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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