i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize