I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
