she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
