I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
