I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
