Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
