There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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