Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
