I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
