Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
