haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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