you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
