She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
