I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
