At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
