garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
