D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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