He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
