My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
