im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
