WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
