we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
