Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
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I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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