Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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