Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
